“The meeting of two personalities is like the contact of two chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed.” ~ Carl Jung
I usually don’t write about politics in any form. But this past weekend I watch clips of the 2017 Presidential Inauguration. Apart from the obvious contrast between the two presidents, what caught my eye was the contrast in affection or lack thereof between Former President Obama and his wife Michelle and current President Trump and his wife Melania.
What I’ve always admired about the Obamas was their public display of affection for each other, their children, the American people and respect for anyone they seem to share their space with. From Michelle’s locking fingers and thanking the marine that escorted her; to Barack bestowing Joe Biden the nation’s highest civilian honour, the presidential medal of freedom. Over there years there have been many public displays of goodwill for others, love and affection between them both. I know we don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, but it’s not as easy as one may think to pretend in any relationship. It takes a lot of effort and the toll of pretences eventually manifest itself in some way or another.
Relationships aren’t always perfect but it’s just as important to build a great with yourself, as it is to build one with your partner. You should never feel lonely in a relationship and neither should your partner. It took me almost half of my time here on this Earth to realise that relationships are not like a romantic movie script my sixteen-year-old self, dreamed of.
Everyone dreams of the same kind of romance we see in the movies or read in those romantic novels but real life doesn’t work that way. There’s no script to follow, no director to correct when you’ve missed your lines. To build a truly lasting and meaningful romantic relationship there must be certain aspects present in the relationship.
This is the most fragile aspect of a relationship. It goes hand in hand with respect. With trust comes transparency, consistency of honesty. Remember one white lie always lead to a string of lies. Once broken it’s almost impossible to come back from as there will always be doubt in the relationship.
Mutual Respect and Acceptance
When both people respect each other in a relationship it means there’s mutual consideration of each other. This helps promote and maintain mindfulness and thoughtfulness between partners. You accept that no one is perfect and appreciate your partner for who they are. Acceptance, however, does not by any means indicated that you should remain in an abusive relationship. Nor does it mean that you should accept not being respected simply because he or she is the breadwinner in the relationship or constantly showers you with gifts. Self-respect should be top priority. Love and respect yourself first above anyone else. This may sound a bit harsh, but no one is worth your time, dedication or love if they are not willing to, 1. accept you for who you and 2. give you the respect you deserve.
Open and frequent discussions without fear of judgement or criticism should be the norm for you and your partner. This doesn’t mean that you have to agree with everything your partner says, but it does make it easier to resolve your issues when they arise as oppose allowing them to fester.
Mutual Values and Interest
Oil and water will never mix! It’s a common law of the Universe. You should share some basic core belief, interest, values and goals with your partner. Yes, he may look like he just jumped off the runway, she may look like she walked off the cover of Vogue. If the only attraction if physical, start the clock. Your relationship won’t last long. While it’s important to maintain individuality in a relationship. Sharing values and interest is the beginning of a strong foundation. This can only strengthen your emotional bond and bring you closer as a couple.
©Etta D Richards