When we forgive all and still suffer we may not believe that forgiveness produces emancipation, but the fact is that suffering is impossible when forgiveness is absolute. When we forgive completely we shall also eliminate completely every trouble or ill that may exist in our world. When you have trouble forgive those who have caused the trouble; forgive yourself for permitting yourself to be troubled, and your troubles will pass away. When you have made a mistake do not condemn yourself or feel upset; simply forgive yourself, and resolve that you will never make the mistake again. As you make that resolution, desire more wisdom, and have the faith that you will secure the wisdom you require. “According to your faith so shall it be.” There are many who will think that the practice of forgiving everybody for everything will produce mental indifference and thus weaken character, but it is the very opposite that will take place. To forgive is to eliminate the useless, everything that is not good; and to free the mind from obstacles and adverse conditions is to enable that mind to be its best, to express itself fully and completely. This will not only strengthen the character and enlarge the mind but will cause the greatness of the soul to come forth. There is many a character that appears to be strong on account of its open hostility to wrongs, but such a character is not always strong. Too often it is composed of a few borrowed ideas about morality backed up by mere animal force.” ~Christian D Larson
This is my contribution to Debbie’s Forgiving Friday series, where she writes about and invite others to share their thoughts on Forgiveness, Self-Love and Personal Growth. Debbie, thank you and I am so grateful the opportunity to contribute to your blog.
Sometimes we leave out past behind and mentally tell ourselves that all is forgiven, when deep down inside it really isn’t, so we leave ourselves open to be scathe over and over by that unforgiven thing. Years ago I worked for a family owned and operated company, it was not a job I saw myself retiring from but it gave me the opportunity to stay active on the career front. Within a year I was promoted to manager, no big excitement there as it only meant added responsibilities but not much in way of compensation. Long story short I become disillusioned with the company’s approach to the equality of their employees. There was no regards or remorse for the safety of the people working for them and after an incident where I was literally forced into firing an employee, I tendered my resignation on the stance that I would not only remain until they found my replacement but also train my that person.
Well needless to say, that did not go down well as in the following weeks leading up to my being fired, yes! Fired! I was harassed, bullied and my privacy compromised by means of a personal email being printed off and circulated around the office.
After leaving the company I filed a complaint against them due to the fact that I was not given the severance pay owed to me, my resignation was never recorded as they insisted that I was fired but could give no cause as to why I was fired. The owners were always a no-show at any of the meetings with local authorities. Finally, I walked away from the situation despite the fact that the board of labour said I had a viable case. It took a lot to walk away from something like that, however, during that period I was also going through a lot of personal issues as well. The situation was this, continue to fight them for God knows how long or move on with my life. Suffice to say, the latter was the most promising option.
When something from our past is awakened it reminds us of the little malice that’s still festering in our hearts, when we think we’ve forgiven all, forgotten all. Life gives us a reminder that we need to do more. My reminder came in the form of an article about that company, reading it made me realise there was never a resolve, no forgiveness in that situation. Yes, I had moved on but that baggage moved along with me. So what do you do after so many years and you realise you’ve missed something on your list? You first forgive yourself for allowing that thing to bring you such misery. Then forgive those who have caused you that misery. Finally, you move on! Continue to live the life you deserve, uninterrupted by scenes of the past. Which is what I had to do. It took a few deep breathes but I did it. Do I feel better? Yes!
I’m reevaluating everything while reminding myself that forgiveness starts and ends with me which means constantly searching within myself to find what’s causing me hurt and what’s disrupting my harmony!
~Happy Friday
©Etta D. Richards
Simply Etta 
Great to have come across you via Debbie’s forgiving connects. Look forward to following your blog. Anita
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Welcome Anita and Thank You!
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I think that Forgiveness is a process depending on who and what hurt you in the first place. I find it easier to forgive non-family members because chances are you’ll never see those people again. Years of separation often makes you forget why you were angry with them in the first place.
Family relationships on the other hand go deep with emotional threads that cannot be unwoven. Despite a somewhat rocky relationship with my mother I was able to forgive her because we achieved an understanding. For the last three 3 years of my Mom’s life were became very close. Her death was a great blow to me but Love overcame hurt and pain.
Now my non-relationship with my paternal cousins well mentally I know that I should forgive them but due to deep seating hurt, pain and betrayal we will never again be close nor will we ever be reconciled to each other. I think in the six years that have passed I’ve become less angry because basically those particular cousins are drug addicted ex-cons who have worse problems than Stephen and I will ever have. After a while they have become non-entities. They no longer figure into the equation. I think because the past situation escalated to violence and getting the police involved its best that we went our separate ways and hopefully neither Stephen or I will ever have to interact with this branch of the family again. There will never be resolution and Stephen and I will forever be estranged from our sociopath/psychopath family members which in the light of day is a good thing.
Sometimes the best you can hope for is not to hate the person.
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For me it’s reverse. I find it easier to forgive family members than strangers. The way I see it family were a given, there’s a stronger bond with family, I can either forgive and we pick up from where we left off or I walk away from you. There are family members, cousins, aunts, uncles that I have walked away from, It’s like they no longer existed because they are what you would call a bad seed. A stranger/non-family members are different I would develop a friendship with that person(s) so I expect them to value that friendship so once that’s brokes it’s harder to forgive.
In this case, there was definitely a mental block, at the time I decided NOT to pursue a case against them there was no processing the situation. To compound that, I moved away from the island so our paths really never crossed.
I’m just weird like that I guess. 😜😜
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No. You’re not weird. Far from it. I guess we have different methods.
In my case I had and have high expectations of my family members especially those I grew up with. We went to each other houses, played together, in many ways grew up together. The betrayal went deep. My parents used to tell me that blood is thicker than water but this branch of family did and does not see it that way.
But once I realized that they would never change because sociopaths don’t and refuse to change their destructive behaviors. So I walked away for the safety and benefit of both Stephen and myself.
The Journey continues.
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You did the right thing! Walking away was best for both you and Stephen.
Forgot to say, happy that you made peace with your mother before she passed. I had a similar relationship with my dad and before moving to UK we made peace, he died a year after I left. So now my soul is at peace in those regards, needless to say I do miss him, I miss his wisdom that was not appreciated in my younger years.
Have a great weekend! xxx
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Thanks. I also miss both my parents. Their kindness, wisdom, knowledge, understanding and most of all their Love, support and encouragement.
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