The truth is unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”
People are often under the perception that by forgiving someone, they’re doing that person a favour. Reprieving them of whatever they did wrong. It’s human nature to hold a grudge, even the score so to speak and no one wants to do any favours for someone who has hurt them. But what many people don’t realise is that forgiveness is not about the other person, it’s about you! Forgiveness lifts the burden of anger, insecurity and seething feeling you feel anytime that hurt resurfaces. It paves the way for a new path in moving on.
I would be the first to say that forgiveness was never in my vocabulary. For me giving that person a free pass. I was never so reminded of those feelings a few weeks ago when I crossed paths with someone I worked with years ago. It was an office manager I had previously worked with. In my opinion, she was inexperienced and made the workplace a toxic environment, she was also a bully which manifested in the way she treated other members of the team. For me she made me question my own abilities and for a long time, even after moving on I struggled with that. What helped me regain my self-confidence was looking back to the past organizations I had worked with, where my responsibilities far outweighed the ones I had working with her and the accolades I constantly received for my performance. Then later, having a chance meet online with Debbie Roth of Forgivingconnects who taught me not only how important it was to forgive but also how to forgive myself.
It doesn’t stop there. Forgiveness is important and why it’s necessary
-It is important for your own growth. You can never grow past that pain and hurt, you will always be in the shadow of that person or than that you feel is unforgivable.
-It is important for your own happiness. That person is getting on with their life but you’re stuck on hurt. Stuck in time. In that moment when you were hurt It allows you to live in the present.
-It is important for your health because each time that memory resurfaces, its roots sink in deeper inside you bringing on depression, stress and anxiety.
One of Debbie’s advice that I practice often is to forgive myself for allowing myself to feel that guilt, anger and pain and to live in the moment. This is a constant reminder of how important forgiveness is for me.
This is my submission to Debbie’s Forgiving Friday series, where she writes about and invite others to share their thoughts on Forgiveness, Self-Love and Personal Growth.
@Etta D. Richards