The moments that define lives aren’t always obvious. They don’t always scream LEDGE, and nine times out of ten there’s no rope to duck under, no line to cross, no blood pact, no official letter on fancy paper. They aren’t always protracted, heavy with meaning.
Earlier this year I had a job interview, it was one I had tirelessly for. Needless to say, I didn’t get the job. During that interview I was asked the question, “what would you say is your greatest accomplishment.” I asked the gentlemen to repeat the question, however, when he repeated the question it was rephrased. Instead, he asked me, “Name a defining moment in your life.” I thought long and hard about this question, it was not on any of my flashcards because it wasn’t a question that’s been included in interviews I’d had in the past and certainly not one I had prepared for.
There have been many defining moments in my life, as I raced through the pockets of my mind trying to find the perfect answer. I realised that there have been many defining moments in my life and it would be quite difficult to at the drop of a hat pinpoint just one as each one played a pivotal role in shaping the life I now find myself in today. Six years ago a plan was put into motion to relocate to Scotland. A huge leap of faith which dragged me through the motions of fear, anxiety and self-doubt. Going beyond that was the birth of my first child. Though the decision to starting a family was a mutual one becoming a parent is a huge step in anyone’s life and most certainly a defining one.
A defining moment comes as a point in your life when you are pressed to make a decision, it can also come through experiencing something that completely transforms your life in such a way it changes you with a transforming effect, it changes how you perceive and how you react to life from that point onwards. A friend of mine shared that her defining moment came when her marriage disintegrated and she was left to raise two young boys alone. After years of being in a dual relationship, of sharing responsibilities, dreams and decision making, she was forced to face the adversity of being a single parent. In that defining moment, she found herself as she became resilient to life after divorce by picking up the pieces and moving on.
Maybe you’ve already experienced your defining moment. Maybe you’re like me and have had many defining moments. You can recognise those moments and move beyond them by:
1. Building resilience: Define the moment before it defines you! Look at it as an opportunity instead of a roadblock.
2. Embracing adversity: Change makes us so uncomfortable we often lose the moment amidst the rejection. We love the sunshine but refuse to dance in the rain. With change comes self Growth.
3. Acknowledging your fear(s): On the other side of fear, you’ll find what you need most in your life. Acknowledge your fears and move on, don’t get stuck on the sidelines. Fear ends where life begins!
4. Searching your life: To move forward you first need to know how you got where you are. What brought you to that redefining point. Release everything and start over, remove the clutter, find the calm in your spirit and recalibrate.
We all have the ability to define those moments that defines us. Have you been able to identify yours?
©Etta D. Richards