The Pain of Grieving, The Joy of Remembering

The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to. ― Elizabeth Kubler-Ross 

There are many forms of grief! We grieve after a broken relationship, we grieve after the loss of a pet, but the most painful and lasting grief is that of losing a family member, the thought of going through life without that person can be brutal.  Grief is a natural reaction to loss, it’s a coping mechanism that helps us deal with a loss and there is no right or wrong way to grieve because it hits everyone differently and though people say time heals all wounds, the grieving process is everlasting, the process will become easier but it will never go away. The finality of Death is biting, it feasts on our soul and at times can break us. 

This past week we learned that my sister in law was terminally ill with a rare form of cancer, and after this week should would no longer share this plane with us, transiting to meet those waiting for her on the other side. Reconnecting with her made me realise that the pain of death can be excruciating, even incapacitating and although it’s a process of life, you never get used to such loss. It is unfortunate but it’s a reality we all face and sometimes reality hits hard and I had to remind myself it’s ok to cry, it’s ok to be angry, to scream, to shout. Without going through the endless psychologic jargon of how best to cope with grief. A part of the grieving process is giving yourselves permission to express how you really feel about your loss, you must take the time to absorb and process this drastic event in your life. 

For me, the best way I have coped with the loss of loved ones is to accept that as the days turn into weeks, weeks into months and months into years, we become more accepting of that loss because through the pain of grief, there is the joy of remembering and over time my soul has latched on to the memories of those who are no longer tangible. As each memory emerge, the grief becomes more bearable. It still hurts, a tear may still flow but the memories make life just more bearable!

Pinned Message: The grieving process is different for everyone, true strength is recognising that you cannot cope alone. If you’re hard to deal with a loss, seek help. This can be through speaking with a close friend or a professional.


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©Etta  D. Richards


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