The Importance of Healthy Relationships

Friendship is the hardest thing in the world to explain. It’s not something you learn in school. But if you haven’t learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven’t learned anything.
― Muhammad Ali

I recently lost contact with two people who I categorised as friends, one of whom I’ve known all my life. The other, I met a few years ago but no matter where in the world any of us were, we kept in touch over the years.  To say I was bothered by it would be untrue, but it made me think, why was I not bothered by losing friendships that were once important enough to maintain for so many years? This brought me back to my own self, I know that not everyone is meant to continue your journey with you, some people are only meant to travel with you part of the way, once their time has ended, the ties are either severed by choice or circumstance. This is the truth that left me unbothered by their loss. 

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How To Deal With Disappointments

“Disappointment is a blessing. If you were never disappointed, you’d never know what was important to you.”
― Kamand Kojouri

Unless you live in a vacuum or totally off-grid without human contact, people will disappoint you. Our days flow according to our expectations and so does our disappointments. Time has always been a commodity, the more things you have to do the less time you seem to have and people now more than ever guard their time jealously. While there’s not much you can do about people disappointing you, you can do something about how quickly you bounce back. It’s hard when someone disappoints you, whether it’s a trusted friend or colleague tossing you under the bus and hitting reverse speed, a dinner date cancelling last minute or family members who you thought would always have your back suddenly not there when you need them most. Life is filled with disappointments and you have a choice in your reaction to those disappointments.

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Learning To Express My Authentic Self

Empath/ˈɛmpaθ/noun

  1. a person with the ability to perceive the mental or emotional state of another individual.

My grandmother not only had a heart of gold, like most grandmothers, but she was also very intuitive. She gave this personification of someone wise and all knowing, for a young child at tine this was unsettling and I remember asking her one time if she was a psychic, she simply smiled and said no, ‘I just know things!’ I never truly appreciated her gifts of knowing what to say, when to say it or what to do and when to do it, until I got older. Her selflessness, always giving so much of herself to others, a lot of whom were undeserving, her relentless willingness to help those in need even if it meant giving her last. Often came across more as a weakness than anything else. But those who truly appreciated her, said she had a pure heart of Gold.

As the old adage goes, the chip doesn’t fall far from the block. It was not just a part of my upbringing, it was engrained in my fabric because I started noticing the same attitudes in myself that I saw in her and I was never aware of the word empath until I was well into my 40s. All of my life I was singled out as being selfish, stubborn, naive and just a little bit crazy. Some call it a gift, some say it’s a curse, I’m caught in the middle because the empathic self also comes with the uncontrollable surge of feeling the emotions of others. This made me understand better why my grandmother was so jealous of her time, why she was bordered becoming a reclusive. Empaths are not selfish, crazy or naive, we just see and experience the world differently. I have had friends who stopped communicating with me after my warning them about certain relationships only to have them to come back months or sometimes years later to ask. “how did you know?”  Over the years, I can’t say that I’ve learned to control my sense of knowing, because how do you not care about others? It’s not something that can be flicked off and on at will. But I have become more aware of my emotions and have found people who have supported me along the way.

I think Anthon S. Maarten put it best into words what he says………..

“Highly sensitive people are too often perceived as weaklings or damaged goods. To feel intensely is not a symptom of weakness, it is the trademark of the truly alive and compassionate. It is not the empath who is broken, it is society that has become dysfunctional and emotionally disabled. There is no shame in expressing your authentic feelings. Those who are at times described as being a ‘hot mess’ or having ‘too many issues’ are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more caring, humane world. Never be ashamed to let your tears shine a light in this world.”


As the world went into lockdown, there were many who buckled under the pressures of confinement. My spirit welcomed it! I no longer had to lie in bed for an hour while my brain coerces my my body into motion. I didn’t have to exhaust myself for 9 hours while trying to maintain the barrier to buffer the noise and all the different personalities around me.  In those months my spirit had the opportunity to heal, my thoughts were not randomly trying to wander off, they were more focused and gained clarity. It was a renewal of self, something I was not able to do in a long time. It felt great! Had it not been for that break I don’t think I would’ve had the mental or emotional capacity to handle all that is happening in my personal life right now. That time of rejuvenation and renewal gave me the strength to reinforce those boundaries. In doing this, I’m learning also learning to express my authentic self!

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Be The Person You Want To Live With

“The person in life that you will always be with the most, is yourself. Because even when you are with others, you are still with yourself, too! When you wake up in the morning, you are with yourself, laying in bed at night you are with yourself, walking down the street in the sunlight you are with yourself.What kind of person do you want to walk down the street with? What kind of person do you want to wake up in the morning with? What kind of person do you want to see at the end of the day before you fall asleep? Because that person is yourself, and it’s your responsibility to be that person you want to be with. I know I want to spend my life with a person who knows how to let things go, who’s not full of hate, who’s able to smile and be carefree. So that’s who I have to be.”
~C. JoyBell C.