The truth is unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.”
People are often under the perception that by forgiving someone, they’re doing that person a favour. Reprieving them of whatever they did wrong. It’s human nature to hold a grudge, even the score so to speak and no one wants to do any favours for someone who has hurt them. But what many people don’t realise is that forgiveness is not about the other person, it’s about you! Forgiveness lifts the burden of anger, insecurity and seething feeling you feel anytime that hurt resurfaces. It paves the way for a new path in moving on.
I would be the first to say that forgiveness was never in my vocabulary. For me giving that person a free pass. I was never so reminded of those feelings a few weeks ago when I crossed paths with someone I worked with years ago. It was an office manager I had previously worked with. In my opinion, she was inexperienced and made the workplace a toxic environment, she was also a bully which manifested in the way she treated other members of the team. For me she made me question my own abilities and for a long time, even after moving on I struggled with that. What helped me regain my self-confidence was looking back to the past organizations I had worked with, where my responsibilities far outweighed the ones I had working with her and the accolades I constantly received for my performance. Then later, having a chance meet online with Debbie Roth of Forgivingconnects who taught me not only how important it was to forgive but also how to forgive myself.
It doesn’t stop there. Forgiveness is important and why it’s necessary
-It is important for your own growth. You can never grow past that pain and hurt, you will always be in the shadow of that person or than that you feel is unforgivable.
-It is important for your own happiness. That person is getting on with their life but you’re stuck on hurt. Stuck in time. In that moment when you were hurt It allows you to live in the present.
-It is important for your health because each time that memory resurfaces, its roots sink in deeper inside you bringing on depression, stress and anxiety.
One of Debbie’s advice that I practice often is to forgive myself for allowing myself to feel that guilt, anger and pain and to live in the moment. This is a constant reminder of how important forgiveness is for me.
This is my submission to Debbie’s Forgiving Friday series, where she writes about and invite others to share their thoughts on Forgiveness, Self-Love and Personal Growth.
~Happy Friday
@Etta D. Richards
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Simply Etta 
Wonderfully stated! Couldn’t agree more!
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Thank you! 🙂
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So easy to say…so very difficult to do…at least for me. 😞
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Trust I know how true that if. I held on to it for years after leaving my first husband. Then I started having medical issues and thought, if I die from all this stress and anxiety he is still left living his life as he wish. So myself I wrote on a piece of paper. I forgive all those who hurt me, his name was top of the list, I burnt if and moved on. 5 months later I mean a wonderful man who 8yrs later has put up with my crying, bouts of depression, temper tantrums. But I’m happy now than I was with my ex 😉
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I just can’t do it. I’ll never forgive him for what he did to me. I know it’s my prison…but he doesn’t get a free pass.
That’s the one thing he wanted and it’s the one thing he’ll never get.
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If you’re happy with the way your life is then that’s fine. No one can live your life for you 😉
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Forgiveness is necessary. For me it is easier to forgive coworkers, mean bosses and even strangers because I don’t want to lower myself to their level plus I tell myself 5 years from now it won’t matter and eventually I probably won’t see that person again.
Family is another story. I try not to dwell on what happened but because of growing up with said relatives the damage not repairable. My goal is to stay away from toxic People. So I made the decision to cut the cords. Sadly some family members only exist to manipulate those with a good heart. Being related doesn’t or shouldn’t mean that you allow them to take advantage of you or cause chaos in your life. Best to let go and move on.
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I agree with you 100%. Staying away is a part of forgiving, because you have peace of mind and spirit. You don’t have to publicly forgive family but you have to do it in your heart, nip it in the bud. That makes it easier to cut them off and move on with your life. Love and Light to you Deborah…..<3 You are such a strong person, I know your rewards will be great!
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😊
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Oh Etta, this is so incredibly beautiful!!!! What a well-written poignant reminder for all of the importance of forgiveness to get free, to move beyond the inner hurts, and to live in the present. It’s transformational to forgive and not only that, to forgive ourselves for judging – miracles happen!
I love you Etta. You are a walking demonstration of living in a learning orientation to life. 🙂 🙂
Love and Light,
Debbie
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❤️️❤️️❤️️❤️️❤️️❤️️Thank you Debbie. I appreciate you so very much. Love and light to you!
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